Monday, July 7, 2014


My stack of books to read these days has a generous selection of Young Adult Lit. The girls are both voracious readers and they like to recommend books, and I like to know what they are reading. So Divergent and the rest of that trilogy ended up in my stack. If you have read Divergent, or seen the movie you know about the Candor faction. This is where I feel like I have been living these days. Where my children believe in the sharing the unvarnished truth all the time.

My first candor moment came when I was in the hospital. I read Divergent during outpatient treatments and then moved on to some other books. While I was in the hospital and the girls were visiting I asked Kath if the next time they came she could bring the next book in the triology. Her reply was she was "not comfortable with me having the book in the hospital with all the liquids around". My moveable hospital bed table always had a pitcher and cup of  ice water on it...and Kath knows I am the one in our family that the saying "if it can spill it will" applies to the most. Okay, I could deal with that truth and just waited until I got home for the next 2 books.

Here are a few recent conversations in our house...

Background = my first night home from the hospital we are all piling on the sofa to watch a show together.
Me: I am so glad to be home from the hospital. I hope I don't have to go back soon.
Marg: But you will.
Me: Why do you say that?
Kath (in the all knowing tone of a pre-teen): Because you have cancer, Mom.
Me: Yeah, that...well I am hoping I don't have to go back for awhile.

Background = me actually getting dressed in something besides yoga pants and a t-shirt and putting on a little make-up.
Kath: Why are you putting on make-up?
Me: I feel better with a little make-up on and I like the way it looks.
Kath: I am not sure why you bother, it doesn't make a difference.

Background = snuggling with Margaret when she grabbed my calf muscle...
Marg: What is this?
Me: My calf muscle.
Marg: Mom, this is flab!
Me: (as she begins searching for the muscle I begin laughing hysterically) Yes, my muscles are out of shape I need to exercise more soon!!

I'm not sure if you have to have parental privileges to be privy to  completely candid, uncensored opinions from our children all the time but if you want thoughts on something and want to try it out you are welcome to stop by!

Unfortunately this same straight forward understanding of where I stand medically is not so easy to come by. My labs are mixed. My hemoglobin is looking good and has been inching up and is now at 10.9. My platelets are just under normal at about 130 and are bouncing around, but in a pretty good range. My white blood cells stink. My neutrophils dropped from about 750 Thursday to 450. So one more week of meds then we agreed that next Monday I will be close to Day 30 post chemo (Day 1 is the day you start infusions) and should be back to being just regular neutropenic like I have been for most of the last 6 months worst case, but hopefully they begin to build back up.

I am still feeling good more often then not. I have bursts where I feel so good I do "normal" things then my body slaps me down to remind me that I am not normal and I sleep like the dead all afternoon, but all in all recovery is moving along....


  1. Glad the numbers are holding and your girls are hilarious! You are nice not to be considering extended residential summer camp :). Take care. Irene Yates

  2. Beth,

    I loved your posting on Candor - and life with pre-teen girls. I bet if you talk to your Mom she can remember many comments by her 4 daughters over the years. We only had Shannon to tell us how to live our lives but she was quite up to the task! Rick and Shane, on the other hand, seemed to have many more important things to care about.

    Please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. Pat Mudd .

  3. Hi Beth, Ok so I just read this one after the later one...sorry out of order...but our kids sounds so similar to mine that I thought I would let you know that. Teen girls. Enough said! Love ya, Becky